WoW TCG Scrub

It’s that time of the year my minions.  The streets grow quiet and gamers and geeks descend upon the city of Indianapolis for the annual National Championship Tournament (and the best 4 days of gaming!).  Everyone brings their best cards, decks and tactics to bear on this once a year event made even more important now that Worlds will take place in Paris, France.  At stake is a trip to the World Championships and immortality and a computer and a cool looking trophy.  So, without further ado, my predictions for this year’s tournament:

 

• Indianapolis streets run red with blood after the “Lady Vashj” participation EA is mysteriously replaced with the lesser, yet more interesting, extended art quest, “When Smokey Sings, I Get Violent.”  The original plan was to give “The Formation of Felbane” as a substitute “since we had so many,” but someone takes the box and burns it as an undying symbol to the sun god RA.

 

• In a shocking turn of events, Jeremy Blair is disqualified from Continentals after a random deck check revels no less than 10 “Form of the Serpent” cards in his sideboard.  He goes on to write a few articles about the injustice and later gets a book deal, which eventually turns into a national best seller called, “How I stopped worrying and learned to love the Serpent.”

 

• The Brad Watson fan club is formed by a few disenchanted World of Warcraft players only to be disbanded by the end of the convention because, in their words, “There’s something weird about worshipping a computer.”  Brad goes on to win the Continental Championships for a second straight year.

 

• A new hunter talent ability is announced called “The Cake is a Lie”; however, no specifics are given other than, “It’s better than Mortal Strike.”

 

• After going 3 and drop, an angry player steals the microphone from the Rock Band game and proceeds to do a mock interview on stage with Antonio DeRosa in front of the entire hall asking desperately over and over again, “Why did you print Myriam?”  Antonio DeRosa replies, “Today, we’re going to have free pizza for all the players!”

 

• Instead of the same old DMF playmats UDE decides to switch it up and give McDonald’s Egg McMuffins.  Half the players are consequently disqualified for having marked cards in the opening three rounds and McDonald’s discontinues its 2 for three dollar promotion forthwith.

 

• With the printing of “Holy Shock”, Paladin mania sweeps through the tournament scene with 80% of the field playing some form of the holy warrior.  The Canadians are not amused and boycott by running Druid Rush decks.  They sweep all the top spots commenting that “They had no idea they printed 1 cost allies.”

 

• Pinprick makes the top 8.  Only, it’s for one of the side events, not sponsored by UDE, outside, in an ally, between two people playing the same deck, somewhere in New York.

 

• The Champion’s Lounge is rededicated in loving memory Phaladus the Enlightened.  “Perdition’s Blades” are handed out and everyone reminisces about a time long past when a singular deck concept could dominate a card game.  Yeah, those were the days.

 

• In an effort to combat the randomness of the die roll UDE announces that the loser of the die roll can now decide if he wants to go first.

 

• As a last minute surprise to diversify the playing field “Form of the Serpent” and “Myriam Starcaller” are banned from the tournament thus cutting the field to 10 players.  Ona Skyshot goes on to win it all with “Talacite Owl” and “Stone Guard Rashun” leading the way.

 

• In a show of solidarity the best players in the game all pass out their decklists prior to the tournament and collectively sing “We are the World” while holding hands and swaying.  Ben Drago plays the guitar and Paul Ross plays the Tambourine.

 

• “Mission:  The Abysal Shelf” appears in a top 8 deck.

 

• A giant banner draped over the competition area greets players with the words, “We Love Ripped Decks!“

 

 

See you at this year’s tournament.

 

Jeff Mikos
Icarusforte@gmail.com